He took his key today. Or my key. Anyways, the extra key to his apartment. And so it was no more to be mine. I sure didn't like it and if he had looked me in the eye it would have been obvious. But I guess he consciously wanted that to be the outcome.
I want to be able to just come and go. And wherever he is - there's my home. But do I love him? How could I know? And don't come bullshiting me with saying if you do, you know it cause that's not the way it is. Not in my world.
Reality is blurry and feelings are abstract things that basically are nothing but chemicals. How in the world am I supposed to be able to tell which chemical is where and what the hell that means?
He asked me today do you want to get back together? and I replied with silence. He caught the worst moment. Like he always does. And then he had all these questions for me! All these questions to which I have never even been close to answering. They fuck my head up. I feel like hurting someone everytime he wants another answer. It's like, whatever move I make - he think it hints about the true answer. But there is no such answer!
The questionmarks in his voice crawl under my skin and I close my eyes and try to think about something else. Not now. Please don't ask. I don't know. He gets frustrated when I'm not paying even the smallest bit of attention.  

When did I become a man? And why doesn't it last?